I think I’ve found a whole new way of getting ideas to give sarcastic advice.
Welcome to Sarcastic Advice, Where Urine The Right Place For Advice
To be fair, urine totally does* make for an attractive liquid to pour into your eyes.
What these people are getting wrong (apart from clearly fucking everything) is that it matters more what you ingest to create the urine first.
If you’ve been drinking cordial, then your urine will be full of sugar, which means your eyes will be excited and can see in additional dimensions. Use this for all nighters.
If you’ve been drinking red wine, then you will gain powers to be an unbelievable wanker who uses words such as bouquet without any sense of irony (or any sense that you are a wanker).
If you’ve been drinking energy drinks, your eyeballs have probably run a full marathon without you.
If you’ve been drinking milk, your eyeballs will grow strong and healthy bones.
If you’ve been drinking urine, pour it in your eyes, let it run down your face, drink it, pour it in your eyes, let it run down your face, drink it.
But put it in a mason jar first.
Got a question you’d like a sarcastic answer to? Fill in this form (you don’t have to give identifying details) and I’ll see if I can answer it.